Little Miss Sunshine!!

A pinch of salt, a spoonful of sugar,a mixture of condiments,a dollop of cream... so are my stories, so are my dreams!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Cookery lessons!

She look'd down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror crack'd from side to side;
"The curse is come upon me," cried
The Lady of Shalott.
                                     -Alfred Tennyson

The doom has come upon me too. The prophetic revelation of apocalypse has come true!! If you are thinking this is one of my murder mysteries, well I'm warning you this could become one.

My Mom told me yesterday that it’s high time I start cooking! Well I can start it but the end result would be something of a cross between baking, deep-frying, boiling and burning. of course I can make noodles with a lot of panache and style(uniquely my own). I would take nearly anything and everything I can lay my hands on in the kitchen and throw it in the boiling stew. From butter to corn flour, soup powder to chaat masala, nearly everything will be there in the noodles except of course vegetables, I have still not learned to chop. Now don't you regard me with that derisive stare of yours!

Being in the software industry for the past 2 years I have learnt to face extremely trying circumstances, difficult people and harsh deadlines because of which I have been able to dust off the fears that I possessed as a novice. But cooking to me is quite scary. To quote certain instances, consider the scenario of boiling milk, you never know exactly when to switch off the stove. You don't know if it’s done until the milk rises out of the container or just when it starts rising. When I stand there, almost 10 seconds would go in making this decision ("will the bomb burst now? Will it not?") At the end of which the milk would have spilled out of the container on to the stove and my mom would come running with some expletives which I will not be revealing in order to preserve the tiny blotch of self-dignity that I possess.

She often says, "You have done a B.E. Cant you even boil milk?” Good logic! But flawed argument, almost equaling casuistry. The fact being, in software everything has proper guidelines, in engineering if you get above 50% you pass, these things abide by certain rules, whereas cooking seems to have no rules. No one tells me exactly how much salt or sugar to put and what could be worse "they look the same!” Ever watched a cookery show on television? I used to think they quantify things so it must be easy for me to learn from it.... well for starters I have no clue about the names they attribute to the ingredients we use at home. They use 100 different teeny tiny ingredients that you may not have even seen ever in your life. Now the only thing that looms in my mind at the end of the show is "Why? Why god why? Why me?"

So the only thing that could salvage my reputation and save me from the verge of death due to starvation and mockery is “I like noodles! That’s why I make only noodles"(So not true! but I gotta live!)

In the meanwhile, my future plan (may be in about 20 years!) is to learn to make cookie, brownie, garlic bread and chocolate cake. When I announced my cooking intentions ever so enthusiastically to mom, she laughed. Well I'm sure basics like boiling milk could be handled by anyone, I'm gonna go on to do bigger and greater things (just to bolster up my pride a little! no offence meant). Until then “Noodles! Thou art my only companion!"


17 Comments:

  • At July 4, 2007 at 12:49 AM , Blogger ajaygroups said...

    Oh Anu,


    Ur trying ur hand at cooking?Oh my god... Yenna kodume saravanan...Its like MS Dhoni becoming a fast bowler for India.Hey Just Joking..!!U know necessity is the mother if all evil and ur cooking mania too to can be attributed to just that ... otherwise i know how lazy u are....
    (pun intended)...U know the joke with sradar forgetting the recpie for ice cubes... i think u can do one better... Go anu .. Go!!!

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 1:21 AM , Blogger Anu said...

    @ajay
    Hmmmm finally some form of encouragement...may be ill give u the first piece of whatever i cook today! :-) that oughta dampen the enthusiasm a litlle...:-)

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 1:56 AM , Blogger BKa said...

    LOL .. Hey Anu that was very funny... Very true
    "cooking seems to have no rules"...
    At home, the sabji my mom makes daily is sometimes very hot and spicy and sometimes it is bland. When I ask her about this, she says its not her fault.. Its the green chilly which is sometimes very hot and sometimes flavorless. Now how do u decide how many chillies to add ??????????
    Well I dont want to scare you with all this... Last time my mom went on a tour, I managed to cook(ofcourse i was the only person who ate it)... So when I can do it, I m sure u can learn it soon .....
    Ur recipe for noodles sounds intersting.. Hope to taste it soemtime..

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 2:10 AM , Blogger Nivi said...

    haha that was was super funny man!! and if anyone can empathize with you and at the same time be scared out of the daylights well vola its me !!!

    WEll like u say its the choco cakes that are awaiting us man not the milk come on ;-)

    super funny !! absolutely loved it!!! Delicious ;-)

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 2:18 AM , Blogger Anu said...

    @b.k
    Thanks for the encouragement da...
    What u said abt the green chillies part is soooooooooo true.

    @nivi
    Sure dude choco cakes await us!!!:-)cant wait to cook them n give "you" :-).After you taste it.....turn around, and i wont be there :-)

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 2:18 AM , Blogger Anu said...

    @b.k
    wanna taste ur cooking too!!:-)

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 4:16 AM , Blogger Ramesh said...

    Hey Radha...

    Back to ur Funny post.. very Funny....tat too u r cooking tats funny... anyhow all d best....

    I think u can easily make the Salads which u always like it @subway... its very easy to make (i hope so)...

    The way u just started the post i liked it.. "if you are thinking this is one of my murder mysteries, well i'm warning you this could become one."

    Tats so true....

    i hope so u ll learn before dis month end

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 10:46 AM , Blogger navien said...

    hahahaha..gud one!! noodles girl - a new title fr ya!!:-))

    20 years fr makin a cookie , brownie s too much time dude:-).Re-consider ur plan:-)..ya u r right..cookin s an art which we can't learn easily..requires lot of experiments n passion too:-) f now it s yet another borin job to me if I am forced to cook somethin..:-)

    and btw "So the only thing that could salvage my reputation and save me from the verge of death due to starvation and mockery is “I like noodles! That’s why I make only noodles"(So not true! but I gotta live!)"

    was funny..good way to shield urself:-)

    Havta taste d noodles u prepare fr sure:-) u seem to b so passionate abt d noodles thing:-) haha..

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 12:08 PM , Blogger Anu said...

    @Ramesh
    My cooking is funny??!!! hmmm wait till i give u a piece of it...u will be very serious then(pun intended)

    @navien
    Thx dude! glad you liked it. sure u can taste my cooking any day.jus lemme know an hour before :-)

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 8:50 PM , Blogger Harish said...

    "We never put the best foot forward till we have the other one in hot water"
    Wait till U r pushed to onsite...:-P

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 9:04 PM , Blogger Sesh said...

    Adipavi,

    U r d one who made dat soft & delicious cake at college.. I still remember me tryin out acc to ur instructions & dat came out awfully :(

    So learn to make Sambar & curry which u can store 4 some 2 or 3 days & save ur time!!

    We Indians can never survive without our sambar & curry.. Noodleslam bore adichudum :)

    All d best!! Accoutre yourself wid all d necessary kitchen defense items before u try out anything :)

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 9:18 PM , Blogger CM-Chap said...

    Hey Anu.. Fantastic.. Dn't worry ur better off.. When I came here I too only know one item to cook.. Thats HOT WATER. But these days I have improved a lot...

    By the way I will never step into Alabama for sure...when I thnk of ur Choc cakes... I'm scread already after knowing how you boil milk.

     
  • At July 4, 2007 at 10:42 PM , Blogger Anu said...

    @harish
    welcome to my blog!!keep visiting!

    @sesh
    yeah but that choc cake was in collaboration with bhu:-) anyways thanks for the encouragement:-)

    @cm-chap
    hey of course u can come to Alabama!! don worry i will learn to cook by the time u get there!:-)

     
  • At July 7, 2007 at 3:48 AM , Blogger Princess Banter said...

    Oh the horror! My mother has once tried to get me to cook... and she has eventually given up. However, when I left home, I found myself attempting to cook or else I'd starve... and I'm too scared to come back to my mum cuz I don't want the whole "I told you so" speech :P

     
  • At July 7, 2007 at 11:10 AM , Blogger adithya said...

    Hey this was real real funny:-D. I can totally relate to this.Inspite of living away from home for the past 5 years all I can manage to cook is maggi noodles:-)and more importantly my younger brother, who has been staying with “mommy and daddy” from his birth is a great cook. After a lot of comparison I tried making Sambar and I ended up feeding the whole kitchen with it ( in other words , people can screw up the food when they are making but I am so good that I screwed it up after making it. I dropped the vessel from the stove)

    Btw I really loved the poetic way of starting it. And most importantly the line saying “If you are thinking this is one of my murder mysteries, well I'm warning you this could become one”. The icing on the cake was obviously the boiling milk. ha ha ha..that was hilarious buddy loved the way u described that yaar. I am totally with you. Salt and sugar do look the same and cooking has no rules. Perrrrrrfect :-) exactly my thoughts. Now I know what to tell my mom if she brings the subject of cooking. The last libe was amazing I loved your spirit there.. one should always go for bigger and greater things after all who wants to try the small ones.

    And hey do let me know once the cookie, brownie, garlic bread and chocolate cake are ready.. wouldn’t mind trying it :-). In return u should try my Sambar if i manage to bring to the dinner table without dropping it on the floor.

     
  • At July 7, 2007 at 11:13 PM , Blogger Anu said...

    @princess
    Glad to c u back after a long time!
    i can empathize with u reg the "i told u so" speech :-)

    @adithya
    Hey welcome to my blog!Glad u liked it!:-)

    u tried ur hand at sambar???? wow thats actually very tough. I totally appreciate ur courage. Almost like a brave knight going on to face war! :-)

    sure i would try it one day! by the way i did make a cake once upon a time that looked liked a pancake rather and force fed one of my friends. good news is "He survived". Bad news is "He never came home after that fiasco".

     
  • At July 9, 2007 at 3:40 PM , Blogger santhosh said...

    hmmmm
    thanni suda vaikka theriyum, apram adha aaravaika theriyum...
    pretty much sums up my culinary skills
    btw, nice blog (and i used to think mine had the most random posts. do check out my blog's section on humour since you seem to like abhinav's)

     

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home